And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
