he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
