guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
