im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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