i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
