I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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