My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
