Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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