Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize