Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
