i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
