I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
