i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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