I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize