I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
