he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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