so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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