Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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