I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
