I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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