The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
