I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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