apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
