she looked like the before picture.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
