Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
