It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
