I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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