I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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