Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
