I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
