There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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