You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
