I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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