I'm jealous of your bromance
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
