dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
