i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
