Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
