I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize