I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Couch. On fire.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
