I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
