how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
