I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
