if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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