A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
