My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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