my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
