Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
