oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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