I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
