if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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