Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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