Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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