So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
