oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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