So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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