did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
