pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
