i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
