My room smells like vodka and shame
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
