my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
