i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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