Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
