I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
