Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need water and some morals
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize