Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
